A Small Decision
Posted on August 20, 2013
I think, in part, an issue that I’m having is that I’m floundering in a sea of uncertainty regarding my Paganism. I’m not sure where to go and what to research, what to do, and how to orient myself. Since my trip to Rome, I’m actually pulling more towards my Germanic/Anglo-Saxon side, for whatever reason. It feels more comfortable. I’ll still tentatively explore my Roman interests, perhaps on an individual basis as opposed to a larger focusing.
The truth is, I feel that in Germanic Polytheistic Paganism there’s only so far that someone can go without having access to either an external source of inspiration (Spirit work) or a group and a framework for education. I’m notoriously thick headed, to butcher Diana Paxton’s words in one of her books, about things outside. I have flashes of insight and intuition, and can throw energy around like nothing, but other than that…I’m sort of stuck in the dark
So I made the decision to look about and try to find a Heathen/Germanic group that would fit my predilections. Which brings me to an issue I quickly discovered: There are few that aren’t involved in a kinship or “community structure”. Not only am I relatively distant from most established groups (Even if the Troth is in Connecticut), but I’m pretty well a loner. My ideal organization would be one that allows courses and correspondence without the requirements of being either a part of a brick-and-mortar group or forming one on my own, with the possibility of a clergy program should groups operate
There’s also my peculiar outlook. I have friends (very good ones, mind you) in circles of the Northern Tradition that would get me verbally attacked because I was on friendly terms with them. I don’t brook the argument for folkish belief, exclusive religion, or any of the other crap that some people espouse. I am on good terms with followers of various etinous beings, and even wrote an article on one of them myself. I have views which would run contrary to what is established in the Christian-influenced Lore, and I vocally argue for the rights and inclusion of people who are attacked by cowardly keyboard warriors.
I also believe that magic, spellwork, and “woo” is okay, and have shamanic influences in my life that I want to continue to work on. I don’t want to have to be shoehorned into some fanciful recreation and living history of a period that is gone forever. I want to explore esotericism as much as I want to explore a living spiritualism.
Because of this I consider groups focusing on kinship, kingdoms, or inherent communities to be something out of reach for me right now. I’ve just recently come to the revelation that I want a larger community to operate in and around, and throwing myself into a group right away is something that I’m unprepared for. I’m more Anglo-Saxon/Continental German than I am Icelandic/Nordic in my outlook, so Asatru is out. Theodism necessitates the emphasis on group work and theods, so groups like the White Marsh Theod and the Troth are likewise out.
I had thought that I would attempt to join the Fellowship of Anglo-Saxon Heathenry (Geferræden Fyrnsida), and put forth an application as a non-paying member. Dishearteningly, it appears that the English version of that site is defunct, as it has been more than a week with no response from any administrative figure. I suppose I could contact the group through Facebook, but if they cannot keep their flagship page up and running (and linked blogs being more than a year past updating) then I don’t have hope for the group’s activity level.
So. I’m at a loss of what to do and who to approach. I suppose I could look into the Northern circles of ADF for inspiration, but I don’t think I’d be too happy there. I’m really at a loss for what to do as some kind of meta-community group.
There have been calls for me to try to form the groundwork for such a group. I don’t know that I’m even remotely qualified to do such.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue my “back to basics” trend. Hopefully I can make some progress.
Thanks for reading.